at home this morning. drank coffee. Dad slept good. I did too. was so tired yesterday
listened to Esther today/last night.. as it is the first day of Purim in Israel

what i can feel good about

show
wiht FZ
show with David
show with Hazem
my children in the Lord
Mary, Loca, Angelo, Jefferson, Gaza group, Ahab, Motessum, Jacob

another not so easy day

woke up early bathed dad and took him wiht Najat to hospital. HE had a shot of Zoladex:
got back after hot, long, crowded driving and pushing wheel chair in Ramallah hospital and   all over Ramallah. It was a very tiring day and since I didn't sleep very well.

when i got back dad didn't want to go in. He wanted to go out. I was so tired and wanted to rest. He didn't want to. He kept trying to go out.

finally i took him out to sit outside the gate. then i went to buy juice and came back. he and yusra were walking

then I said I wanted to visit Wasfieh. I did and took a long time. When I got back yusra was furious at me for something or other about dad.

later Yusra said to me when I said I want to go to the store: Go there but don't go anywhwere else. I said"I'll go wherever I want."

it was a breaking free moment

I gave dad the meds  before bedtime.

I think I learned something about dad at night. When he starts kicking and stuff to get up. Let him get up and walk to bathroom or whatever and then show him that it is night and take him back to bed. It worked last night

Sameer's Market is the largest supermarket in our neighborhood. There are four such markets in my village of about 4,000 people in the West Bank about 15 miles from Jerusalem, which is visible on a mountain ridge across a few valleys.
It's not a Costco or Walmart by any means. It's more the size of a 7-11. They recently started selling fresh American coffee. I buy a cup almost every day.
I've been here since mid-March. It's my fourth trip to the Holy Land to help care for my aging father. I came in 2013 when he first had a stroke. I stayed three months. I came back in 2016 after he fell and broke his hip. I stayed for five months. I came back in 2018 for another three months. And this is my fourth trip.

Dad is very weak. He can't do anything by himself, even stand up from a chair. Recently it was discovered he has prostate cancer. At 85 years old, they are not sure what they can do about it here.

I came to replace my younger brother who helps his mother, (my step-mother) to care for my dad.

Today, I bought the black American coffee from Sameer's Market and came back home. Dad looked at me as I was drinking it. 

"Do you want some?" I asked. He shook his head, "Yes."

"This is American coffee Dad," I said. "Like you used to drink in America. Remember you drank it at Denny's."

"Denny's" he mumbles as he drinks the coffee.

"And remember Sambo's?" I asked as he drank.

"Sambo's" he mumbles. Then he starts on a lengthy talk about America. I don't understand anything he's saying. The first stroke took his ability to talk. He only mumbles and grunts for the most part unintelligible words.

I shake my head in agreement. Then I say a few names he'd remember from his three decades in Lodi, California.

"Remember Lodi Avenue, Dad?"

"Lodi Aven....."

"Remember Mr. Evans?"

"Mr. Evans....."

He is animated when mentioning these names. They clearly spark pleasant memories to him.

I am planning to be here until April 24. While I am here I will preach at some local churches in the Holy Land. I get small offerings that help pay for some of the expenses of being here.

It's an extremely daunting time in the Holy Land as well. There has been a lot of problems on the Temple Mount which to the Muslims is called the Haram al Sharif (Noble Sanctuary). It is also known as the Dome of the Rock. There is a gate of the Old City called by the Jews "The Eastern Gate." The Muslims call it the Gate of Mercy. This particular gate has been sealed shut for centuries because it is believed by the Jews that it will only be opened when Messiah comes through it. The Prophet Ezekiel said:  The Lord said to me, “This gate will stay shut and will not be opened. No one may enter through it because the LordGod of Israel entered through it. It must be kept shut. 3 Only the prince may sit there and eat food in the presence of the Lord. He will enter through the entrance hall of the gateway and leave the same way.”

a day that began in the

a day that began on the night before
Dad was grunting searching for the floor
his wife she was nervously standing by the door
and I tried to keep the ground from falling in
It a daily ritual, nightly to be sure
what awaits and how no one knows for sure
dad will start his agitations i will start to sweat
even in the coldest night, bed linens are wet
Father up in heaven, I'm calling like a man
Who understands how far and near we stand
I'm so unworthy of Your honors and grace
I'm so in need of Your hand to move this place
A mountain to an ocean
A tree into a sea
the roots still long and hanging
for everyone to see
there's things inside this heart of mine
I try so to conceal
they boil sometimes to the surface
depending how I feel
Your Holy Spirit river
made a walk around
the unforgiving agitations
in this heart I found
One man called it unbrideled
One man calls it free
I find the contradiction
Staring back at me
I dare not judge myself
Like Paul one days said
I'll lean upon the pillar
Lay my weary head
FAther please in Jesus' Name
Don't be too upset
With my failure to measure up
To what I think I could
It's just a few more days
and then my turn to fly
Lord if I could thank YOu
For what You've done inside
The river of living water
That flows day to day
The bread of life that satisfies
and keeps me on the way
Jesus Lord Beloved Friend
I'm sorry for my sins
I thank You Oh So for Your grace
Please keep me in Your hands
And let me soar to heights in You
Your glory here to show
The errors of my past mistakes
Into the sea You pour
Help me make a difference
If only these few days
Given by Your grace to me


there was an opeartion at the Salfit junction and one Israeli soldier was killed. I'm not happy with the glee I see about the killing.

We went and got a wheel chair for dad. I paid the 500 shekels for the deposit. We get it back when we return the chair if no problems with it.

feeling not too great

have been home for a few days here am frustrated. Got mad at Dad last night. He messed up really bad.
Dad just fell asleep while drinking juice i bought for him.
I've been struggling a little with the jealousy today. Looking at the glorious work that John is doing in Gaza. Also David Wood and all the people he ministers with. Then there's Azad and his ministry and even Yohanna.

Jealousy is not a motivation to do what's right though it does say God will use Gentiles to make the Jews jealous so they will come to Christ.

watching Josef Prince. I needed to get a grace infusion. I was thinking about abusers. We ride them off and put them in an irredeemable class. I was feeling bad after anger at Dad last night and the night before.

Yusra said some thing at night that made me a little sad
She said she had picked two oranges from one of the trees around the house and said that they weren't sure I was going to come so she saved them.

terrible day in new zealand

a gunman killed 27 muslims at prayer in a mosque in New Zealand. unbelievable

dad had a terrible night....
i slept behind him on sofa

then in mrning he woke me. he had shit on the floor and was dragging his shitty urine bag around. I cleaned the shit. i cleaned him and the bag and put him back to bed. he was asleep last i saw

Yusras asleep. She woke up a while and went back to bed

i think

was a terrible night. Dad was bad all night

he doesn't know what he's doing

i gave him a bath and had breakfast

i'm here kind of bummed waiting for the day to end so the night comes again

i like the nights

what happened in New Zealand will be proclaimed for years and will be considered by Muslims as an attack by Christians.