Ugly Yellow Jacket (Most Painful Memory)

I don't know if its necessary to write this but the most painful memory I have of leaving Deir Debwan was when I was going out to Najat's car to put my suitcase in. Then I heard a noise at the door of house. It was Dad standing at the door wanting to go along with us. He was putting on his ugly yellow jacket (i.e. above) and unable to get his left hand in all the way. I said, "No Dad." and went back in and told him he couldn't go out as I thought he wanted to go to the mosque. And he started talking and crying like a little child uncontrollably and I hugged him and said, "No Dad. YOu can go with us. He felt so small in my arms and shorter than me crying. I put my head on his head and said, "It's OK." Then I told him, "Sit down in your chair," and he turned around so slowly and brokenly and said with his weak voice, "OK." as he went to sit down.

Guitar picks -- Back home

When I left for the Holy Land, I had 15 guitar picks in my pockets. I kept them because I found that if I had 15 I wouldn't lose them. If I had one or two I'd lose them but when it was 15 I didn't lose them.
Coming back, I now have only 3.

Came home.
Was a long and bumpy flight but it was OK. I slept alot from Israel to New York - a little from New York to Los Angeles

When I got to Los Angeles was without telephone and without drivers licence so I couldn't rent a car or call

Then I took a bus to Union Station and then a train from there to Orange County Anaheim. Ben came and took me to Ed Carbury's house. I got my car and drove it to Motel 6 -- slept till ten a.m. was great I think I got over my jet lag

Then I went to DMV and got temporary license and am starting to get new registration

Am staying at Shadi's house in Irvine. Nice house

Went to Azad's meeting last night. Lots of people around 30 or so. WAs wonderful


Today went out with Kato and Christina and Sam and Kathy came and Anna. Was wonderful lunch and fellowship

Got a new phone I really like it

Am getting my program for tomorrow ready for AlFady. Don't know if they want me to do it but I'm ready.

am a little challenged by the successes of my brothers here but motivated too.

November Rain

My usual routine is to dress Dad up, take him to the mosque, take his shoes off and seat him on his plastic chair in the very front row.

Then I walk down to the Amir Bakery and get a cup of American coffee with four creams and four spoons of sugar. I sit on a concrete fence on the side of the road next to Amir Bakery and listen to November Rain, Freebird or one of my sermons in ARabic as those are all that I have on the phone I have. I lost the Verizon one with the wide selection of music and worship music.

When I was here last time, on my last day, I went with Anoos for the first time to the Amir Bakery and discovered they had American coffee. I told them I would come there everyday. That night I was threatened and I fled. But since I've been back, I 've been fulfilling that word to come back everyday. I go up and maybe look like a fool sitting on the concrete fence. Have some kids come by and say hi to me like Anoos's friend Musa and another kid who calls me "Steve."

I don't know how he knows my name is Steve. Here I am strictly Husein.

Today was my last day. I am struggling.

Dad fell down as we walked out the door today. I picked him up and went on. Yusara saw it and was supportive.

I'm leaving tonight. Dad's eyes are red. I'm trying to be open but supportive.

Rahifa and Abdel Aziz came over to “wad’h’ me. Khitaam called yesterday too. I also went and saw Amo Issa and Wasfieh and Samir and Aqel, and Abdel Salaam’s son (he wasn’t there).

Dad started crying real hard because he wanted to go with us to Ramallah. We brought him and came to Pizza House in a mall. I am sitting here now writing this. They are very nice they gave me orange/carrot juice. And I’m in Um Kolthoum heaven. They played Sirat al Hub while Dad and Najat and Haha were here. But now they are playing Inte Omri.

Dad cried when I wada’t him outside. Najat cried too, a lot. Said she’d miss me.

Also Yusara cried and said to me “Forgive me.”

I said, “forgive me too and thank you.”

I'm back in the Tel Aviv airport right now. I ate a burger and fries. Am not sitting waiting to board.

I'm wearing my wooden cross. There is a girl that is charging her phone and playing these Christian songs on her phone. She played "Lord I lift Your Name on high." and "This little light."

Michael came and brought me to the airport. Was good to spend time with him. There's a guy standing in front of me with his back to me as I'm sitting on the floor next to the charger station.

Boy, when you wear a cross irritations come, a guy cut in front of me in line and now this guy here.

31 Cities

Jericho,     smell, wind, spirit

 Ai,    Destruction

Bethel,      House of God/ Luz old age winter blossom

Jerusalem,     Peace

Hebron,     Seat of Association

Jarmuth,   Heights/Fearing

Lachish,   obstinate - stubborn

 Eglon,   to talk about others

 Gezer,   dividing

Debir,         shine light on one’s self

Geder,   wall

Hormah,   devotion  - 

Arad,         sequester self

 Libnah,    white/ self righteousness

 Adullam,   justice based on human system  

Makkedah,    gathering place of ministers (sins)     مقيدة 

1.    Ministering out of an unhealed need for love and acceptance.

2.     2. Living in independence and isolation.

3.    3. Being more committed to ministry than to family.

4.  4. Finding comfort in someone other than one's spouse.

 Bethel,

Tappuah,      lusty apples                تفوح   

 Hepher,                      shame, pit      حافر

 Aphek,   to control others                 افيق  

 Lasharon,

 Madon,  strife              مادون 

 Hazor,  castle, fence              حاصور

Shimron Meron,     filthy/lifted up    

Achshaph,                 اكشاف

Taanach,

Megiddo,

Kedesh,

 Jokneam   the people lament

Dor    generation/ living in limitations of this life

Gilgal,      roll away

Tirzah,     she is my delight        ترصة 

While Sitting at Najat's House (FAITH) 31 things it does

1.      We understand that God created out of nothing

2.       Abel presented better offering

3.       Was proclaimed righteous

4.       Still speaks

5.       Enoch taken

6.       Enoch pleased God

7.       Noah, when warned built an ark

8.       By his faith condemned world

9.       Was heir of righteousness  by faith

10.   Abraham obeyed and went

11.   Made home in a strange land

12.   Lived in tents like Isaac and Jacob

13.   Sarah received strength to bear children – (when the Lord spoke to Abraham?)

14.   Did not receive promise but saw them from afar

15.   Offered Isaac believing God would raise him from the dead

16.   Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau

17.   Jacob blessed sons of Joseph

18.   Worshipped as leaned on staff

19.   Joseph spoke of Exodus and commanded about bones

20.   Moses’ parents hid him

21.   Was not afraid of king’s edict

22.   Moses refused to be known as Pharaoh’s daughter

23.   Chose mistreatment over pleasures of sin

24.   Regarded disgrace for Christ greater than treasures of Egypt – seeing reward

25.   Left Egypt not fearing king

26.   Persevered – seeing Him who is invisible

27.   Kept Passover applying blood

28.   People passed through Red Sea

29.   Walls of Jericho fell after marched

30.   Rahab not killed with those who deserved to die

31.   Conquered kingdoms

The Cross

It was on my first day back in the land that I went to the souvenir shop of my Armenian friend in Jerusalem and bought the small wooden cross I always carry with me. It's not a good luck charm or anything like that. I just like to have it with me.

It's my last full day here as  I leave tomorrow.. Since I bought the cross, I was once sitting in front of the mosque waiting for dad to come out. A guy came buy with a bag. I didn't recognize him and he started laying out his wares for sale. One thing he had was these silver necklaces. I bought one for I think 15 shekels

Cross necklaces are of particular interest in my testimony. It was a few feet from the place where I bought the necklace that in 1972, I went for a haircut in a barber shop that is still a hair salon for men. Dad took me to the tiny shop where there were several men awaiting their turn in Sadeq's seat. As I was getting my hair cut, Sadeq noticed a necklace I was wearing. I had made it out of a toe nail clipper clasp that had a royal blue background and a majestic red and gold crown. He looked at it and said something in ARabic. I still didn't undrestand Arabic so I didn't know what it was he said. I asked my dad. He wouldn't tell me but eventually he relented and said, "There is a cross on it."

I took it off and threw it away. I knew that there was a difference between Islam and Chrisitanity and as a Muslim I could not wear a cross on my chest.

Today, after praying at Ak. house I wore the cross necklace around my neck and went back to that barber shop -- it was open with young men inside and retraced those steps that I took with Dad so long ago wearing the cross as an act of repentance. When I went to Akel's store, it seemed almost as if they could see the cross through my shirt.

Then I walked home and as soon as I sat Rami Tarazi called to say he was in Deir Debwan to take  someone to Ramoon. 

I went out and met him and gave him $100 and showed him the cross I was wearing. I was thinking of calling him before I leave tomorrow to give the $100. The way this all happened made me think God accepted my repentance. 

I will never again deny the cross so help me Father in the Name of Jesus

Ministry opps

Today Pastor M. said he would like me to think of coming here for a year and taking over the preaching for him. He said they would pay me $1,000 a month and I could stay in my village

tempting offer

A Statement of Sorts

Everyday, I take dad to the mosque to pray
Somedays its in morning only and lately its been mornings and afternoons
What I do in the morning is take him. Someone usually takes him from me inside the mosque and seats him in the plastic chair way up front

Sometimes, I have to walk him all the way to the front

Then I walk out. In the morning I go to Amir Bakery by the village entrance and buy coffee.  I sit on a  fence nearby and listen to music = November Rain and Freebird and sermons I have recorded (myself in Arabic)

Then I start walking down towards the mosque and sit outside until prayer is done
I pick up dad and walk him home. Usually someone, usually my Uncle Issa puts his shoes on and brings him out.

People usually joke with him as I take him out. I joke along.

Lately some of the guys have been asking me to join them in prayer. The vegetable salesman Abdesalam was a bit more foreceful than I was comfortable with yesterday about how I should pray

Atta doesn't pressure me anymore.. don't know how long that will last

Another guys also said I should join them. ONe guy did so in Portuguese a few weeks ago


Nothing too major has happened. I go into the mosque with dad and take his shoes off and if there's a funeral I will shake hands with the family of the deceased. I remember Stephen saying how he does the actions as if praying he fAtiha when someone dies. Taysir said he would pray with them in the mosque doing the motions.


Today, N. told me that she took Dad to the mosque since I wasn't here. Ammo Isa took him from her and said, "Where is Husein is he preaching in a church," she said, 'He gets to pray too." and Amo Isa said, "God keep his father to him."

He said that in front of others at the mosque, she said.

I don't know what to think of that. I am nearing my last days here. It is the 13th. I leave on the 17th.

Lots of emotions --

my heart is breaking thinking of Dad.
I'm a little scared that they might set another trap for me
I feel guilty for Yusara
and Najat

Simmering Sadness

There is a sadness in watching Dad struggle so hard to walk and talk
One time, when we went out with my friends from Ramallah, he seemed
so desirous of communicating but was unable to. He started crying

Today I was taking him to the mosque. We started walking together and he
as usual led the way. But instead of going to the mosque he went to Atta's store.

When I asked him where he wanted to go he said the mosque so we walked from there
to the mosque

I wonder how much he knows of what is going on around him

One time, he was talking about Najat and apparently forgot her name he kept
pointing toward her house and said "the one who lives down there..."

There's several dimensions to the sadness -- seeing Dad walk - he moves so slowly
his inability to talk

one of the hardest times was when we went out with Isa and family and Isa said: "My father is like your father," and my dad's attention was immediately drawn to him as if there was a point of connection and he tried to continue the conversation but was limited by his speech

Jericho Road

The church had a conference in Jericho, I wasn't sure I was going to go because I already spent the night out a few nights ago on election night. But  I told Yusara how much the people have helped me (without mentioning that it was a church). She said it was fine for me to go since they helped me.

I went to Ramallah from Deir Debwan. Dad cried as  I left.
When I got to Ramalllah, I looked for a bus to Jericho. A bunch of people apparently were waiting and it wasn't coming. I asked a a driver how much it would cost to go to Jericho, he said, "150 shekels." I refused and went back and sat on the sidewalk.
As I sat, two young men walked by and one said, 120 shekels to Jericho. I followed them and rode with them. We went the Yibrood road and through Silwad on way to Taibeh and then Jericho. I feared a little that the two guys might do something but everything was alright.

I was a little nervous about going because of being so far from home but when I got there, the President Mahmoud A. whole security apparatus was there. I asked for angels the next best thing I guess is the presidents security guards.

I also saw the president

It was a great conference with Joel Rosenburg as main speaker and others. Fadi and Sandrene, Wael, Magdy and Rima, Milad and his dad, Fatula and Simon, Pastor Mazen and his wife; Rima Halabi and so many other close friends were there.
On first day, a woman came up to me with one of the presidents prot. guys. His name was like mine. He went on and on about how much he loved Jesus and wanted to be a Christian and be baptized.

I talked to him for a long time and translated for him when he watned to talk to the speaker who was the pastor of a Hungtington Beach Church the Refuge


we kept telling him to pray and he said he wanted to be videotaped the next day praying with the pastor fo Refuge. But the next day he was real busy and never came around. I spoke to hima little but he didn't come around

still it was a great night even though I was stuck in a room with two other guys and one had to sleep on the floor because there wore only two beds. I offered to sleep on floor

Rima told me somethign that made me sad. Magdy told Joe and Rima that he wanted to take some time off and spend time together as a family. But Joe said, "It's too late. I learned to live alone. When the house was full of people, I would go into my room and cry. I support what you do but I learned to live alone."


She said she had permission to share this. She also said he only like to go the MBB church

Election Night Awesomeness

Great day -- Tuesday Nov. 8

First of all people are beginning to talk about me leaving and without resistance

Then I was not sure if I was going to go to Ramleh because no one called even though  I felt I had a word for them.

Then Michael called and asked if I wanted to go.  I said, "Yes, I have a message." But he said his Dad was going to go and that he might be speaking.

I said then that I would go to Jerusalem since I hadn't been there in a long time.

But then I felt bad an called back and said I would go even if I wasn't speaking. But then when I got to church, Pastor Monir said he wouldn't be speaking so they wanted me to speak. I preached about the crossing of the Jordan river with the Ark of hte Covenant. How the feet had to touch the water before the river split.
Great reaction. One lady - mother of boy Mark who has cancer - said she felt every word was for her


Then Michale gave me a gift from them -- 700 shekels and 300 dollars


I got to Ramallah late and went to the Al Manara Hotel where I slept.
But I watched a little CNN. It looked like Trump would lose as things bounced back and forth and then things stabilized Red

I ended up staying up to 7 a.m. watching results -- waiting for Florida to be called --

Was a great night. Won the House of Representatives and Senate too and the Supreme Court will be in Conservative hands for a generation. Halleluya!!!!!!


Then came home around 1 and Najat said she wanted to go to Ramallah and wanted me to go with them. I did and took Dad. He and I had dinner at Saleh's restaurant


Was great day.

BTW my video views are up to 5,700

Deaths in Deir Dibwan

Since I've been here there have been several deaths. Most of them are people I don't know but some I knew like Magida. There was also the son of Nimmer. I didn't know him but I knew his father.

Yesterday was the death of someone from Iq'ra family. A few days before was a woman from another family.

What happens is that there is a mosque announcement not at the time of prayer which everyone knows to mean that someone died

Then in the mosque the deceased is in a casket covered by a blanket at the far end with a row of chairs with relatives who stand -- you shake hands with them.

Then the men read the Fatiha on the side. I've stood by as dad did this.

I then walk dad to his chair and leave --

There have been several deaths recently including a lady from South America where Najat's husband's relative died of cancer.

No particular name for this post

Been a while since I wrote. I've been busy with Dad and other things - Church, preaching. Etc.

On Sunday, I was given a great gift from Michael 2g which will help me once I get home.

Everyone is talking about me leaving - Yusara, Najat, Atta, Rahefa, Aziz, I'm hoping there isn't a game going on. 

I got to admit I'm a little bit sad about Dad, about leaving. He is so weak and fragile

Today we went to the Safeena REstaurant. Because of the generous offerings I have from the Chruch I was able to pay -- 400 shekels

I was a little mean because they took so long to bring the drinks and bread

But at teh end the guy was nice 

God has really blessed me.