Post the shooting

I went to the "aza" today to see the man who was shot with his family. His name is Abu Ambar. I didn't realize it but he was the one who gave dad and me a ride home one day as we were walking down past the bakery. I went with Amo Issa

One was shot four times in the legs
One was shot dead
One was shot in face (I saw him)
One was hit on the leg and side
A girl was hit in the head


Unbelievable situation.

The burial for the boy is Monday at 2 p.m.

I really felt like a loser today - not having a car to take dad around
Not having money to entertain
Not having kids to entertain
Not having wife to help
Not having house to take him to

I will be doing a prophecy update in the morning for hte Sat night crowd in Cali.
I will also be preaching tomorrow morning in Ramallah.

Talked with M. He said he and his wife separated. I pray for restoration

This emptiness i feel I felt before. Its a Saturday afternoon emptiness of being with Mom and Dad instead of with kids and wife.

strange favors

Friday is usually a tough day. It's mosque all day long almost. usually leading to some tension. today was OK until I took dad for his walk. When we got to Samir corner he started pulling me towards the mosque. I said, "I can't go there. They want to hit me." He relented until we reached Atta's store. There he started pulling me again and strangely, the veggie man came up and came to my rescue. He talked about how dangerous it was at the m. since yesterday's attack that left one Mashni dead and thee injured.

i don't understand why he did it but it was amazing and timely. It felt like a favor that he understood.

the next day, we just didn't dress dad and the doctor didn't come so we ended up staying at home instead of going out -- i.e. to atta or mosq.

feeling bad. empty. guilty

Ramallah to Bait Jalla

As Akram and I were eating at Charlies Chicken yesterday Saleh called me and asked me to get his truck and drive it to Bait Jalla to pick him and his wife and new baby up. I did today. I drove all the way from Saleh's house to their place in Bait Jalla and back. I was complimented for my gentle driving. The Baby is so cute.


Yusra talked to me today. Was nice. I thanked her for hte delicious food and said "salm i daych"

Atta has been particularly pushy lately.

Yesterday while I was with dad I said the words of an Um Kolthoum song I learned that day. He got all religious and said he put all that on the shelf and how I need to pray and get ready to meet God for judgment day.   There was someone else there so I didn't say anything.

Today. He said how he wanted me to pray like Akram and stand behind him in prayer at the mosque. I said, "I pray,"
He said, "Like Akram,"
I said, "No not like Akram but I pray."
Funny thing. When he started that, Dad squeezed my hand for us to leave.

I was happy that he did that

Later I showed him pictures of Jesus and he said, "Yabayay that was when we crucified Him."


I showed him pictures of Bill Clinton and George Bush about both he said "fu.." fill in the blanks.

Dad asked about Aziz

Amo Issa was nice today

God arranged for the trip to Bait Jalla. It was like a challenge to me I've never driven that far by myself here. And it was at a time when I needed to get out of the house.


I have a tale I will tell Atta at the opportune time ... "when...

Baaaad day

had a major blow up with Yusra yesterday. I said about Q. "it means nothing to me. She called me "chaffer," second time in as many days.

Akram came and he and i went to Ramallah to get away from everything

He's a God sent. I realized I need to not rely on him. I need to just enjoy him being here. If you depend on anyone you will be disappointed. YOu imagine talking to someone for hours and feeling better.

I don't know if that works.

Talking to Jesus really helps in those times.

Also took dad to Yahya's house. There were lots of stairs. Yahya's grandson a 10 years old dwarf died.

I preached in church again today. I preached about he Trees of Abraham. good reaction. There is a woman who is a new believer from Christian background who really is encouraged by my preachings. She has husband and several kdis and wants them to come to the Lord too. I walked dad to Atta's store. As we sat there many came up (Hussein Dhablan came yesterday and talked with me a little). I sat with Dad. A girl came by and talked with him and he started

looks

As I was walking to buy chicken today, three young guys were walking towards me they looked at me and one of them started talking passionately with the other two - I didn't greet them nor did they greet me.

Then all the old me sitting in front of the cafe were there waiting to go pray. As I passed by they all looked at me, as usual. I waved and a few waved back.

I was an asshole today to Yusara again.

I am angry about her not letting Nasri or Najwa come replace me.

I feel kind of schizo-- on the one hand, I am fine. I am OK to be here with Dad. I enjoy being with him and it gives me a sense of purpose to help him. I really enjoy going to Ramallah and to church and to minister there.

But I get angry really easy when I think if Yusara telling her kids not to stay here but it doesn't matter to her that I leave all my life back there and be here. Also I am having to pay for everything. Meat, food, doctor, medicine, power bill, water bill.

But shouldn't a son do these things? Ihmaydi automatically did. I looked stupid and cheap for complaining.

3D

3D stands for Deir Debwan Dilema.

I am considered one of their sons and yet I have left that part of my life and become a Christian which in Islam is an automatic death penalty. Few would carry it out but you never know. I am here with some people knowing about my TV show and my Christianity.

Last time I was here it reached a head --

Someone told Najwa that I spoke against Islam on TV. Then Dad wanted to go to the mosque. I would have to take him twice a day. I would take him and take off his shoes inside and pick him up and put on his shoes again. The men eventually got mad at me for not praying and they said they didn't want me to go to the mosque but to stand across the street.

One guy who is usually friendly said angrily as he passed by me "Isa could bring him."

One guy grabbed my hand once in front of Atta's store and started pulling me saying, "We want to draw you back to the mosque."

I'm listening to the my song "Everyone Wants to Be Free," on my headset.

My dilema is this. Will they hurt me? I feel I got a promise from God "Those who opposed you will be like nothing."

Here I am again.
I described in my last post the two events that I'm not sure about that happened in the last few days.
the guy who said "shaytan when i came to the bakery
the three guys walking one said "Isn't that the guy that....."


There's another thing.

I am mad at Yusara and I need to write this.
I am mad that she is planning to force me to stay here. I am staying largely because of Ihmaydi's gernous five month stay.  But they have asked me to stay a year. Mom doesn't like it. I'm not sure.
A lot of good things have happened here like preaching in RAmallah church twice and doing the youth group once. Preaching in Ramleh and getting all that money.

My conscience is at rest about Dad right now. There a bittersweet joy I have when I walk him. He is so cute when he talks and looks at you. Even when he gets mad. It makes me feel like a hero to be helping him. But I am angry at Nassri and Najwa that they aren't coming. They aren't coming because their mother won't let them. Nasri I'm not sure about why he won't stay. It make me mad. I keep planning in my head how I'm going to say "She will use the son of the Brazilian but won't let her children leave their work to help their dad."

It's different if it's from God, the Lord Jesus Christ.

I have some indication it is from God.

The blessing are many. I love going to church in Ramallah at night and coming home and eating fried chicken on the way.

I don't want to waste time though. I do have a television ministry in the U.,S.

In her favor Yusara has this. When  she and her kids did that little maneiuver last time, wile they she and Najat were walking out the gate to leave Dad, Dad held the car keys as if to give them to Najat she kept saying "Yabba we're just going for a walk." They weren't. But as he did that little maneuver that was so heartbreaking, Yusara turned and kissed him and returned to the house. She gave up the plan altogether.

She definately gets credit for that.

She is always a good cook. Hardly ever misses a meal.

Ramleh Preach

Got a call from Pastor Monir in morning asking me to come to Ramleh with him to preach at the church there. I went and it was great. I preached about the bees. Several people recognized me from AlFady.
They took an offering for me afterwards of 1,100 shekels. wohoo
On the way home we met with  a guy who was considering being a m. to marry a girl who is m.
WE prayed with him and left.

Took dad to Atta's and he didn't want to leave. All his friends came up

At around twilight as I was walking to see Akram's house alone, I was listening to Amazing Love and November Rain. Three guys were coming the opposite direction on the opposite side of the street by the malhama. One of the guys says "Isn't that the guy that..." I didn't hear everything he said. It sounded not good. I'm not sure

Yesterday I went to buy bread at the baker. Three guys were outside and one of them asked about my dad but one of them said something about the Shaytan. Not sure what was said there either.

I feel God gave me the promise "Those who opposed you will be as nothing."

Bees; Mensef and Psalm 118

I preach in Ramallah today. I preached about Psalm 118 These are my notes:

3 kinds of attacks in Psalm 118

 كُلُّ الأُمَمِ أَحَاطُوا بِي. بِاسْمِ الرَّبِّ أُبِيدُهُمْ.

¹¹ أَحَاطُوا بِي وَاكْتَنَفُونِي. بِاسْمِ الرَّبِّ أُبِيدُهُمْ.

Two main reasons

   Eliminate way of escape

   Cut off communications

 دَحَرْتَنِي دُحُورًا لأَسْقُطَ، أَمَّا الرَّبُّ فَعَضَدَنِي.

دفعني بلعنف

Pushed me violently

Mainly to push us backwards

Make me go back

They surrounded me like bees;
They were quenched like a fire of thorns;
For in the name of the LORD I will destroy them.

 أَحَاطُوا بِي مِثْلَ النَّحْلِ. انْطَفَأُوا كَنَارِ الشَّوْكِ. بِاسْمِ الرَّبِّ أُبِيدُهُمْ.

1.  Why they attack because someone  moves into their territories

2.  What to do when attack is run

3.  Run to the house

4.  Attack eyes, nose and mouth

5.  Eyes-  vision, see what God is doing,

                                                                                                    بِلاَ رُؤْيَا يَجْمَحُ الشَّعْبُ،

6.  Nose – discernment, can’t tell difference between spirits and truth and lies

7.  Mouth – stop prayer, relationship to God,

              Relationships to people

              Encourage others, teach others

  حَاصَرَتْنِي جَمِيعُ الأُمَمِ، لَكِنِّي بِاسْمِ الرَّبِّ أُبِيدُهُمْ. 11حَاصَرُونِي وَضَيَّقُوا عَلَيَّ، لَكِنِّي بِاسْمِ الرَّبِّ أُبِيدُهُمْ. 12حَاصَرُونِي آَالنَّحْلِ، (اشْتَعَلُوا) ثُمَّ انْطَفَأُوا آَنَارِ الشَّوْكِ. بِاسْمِ الرَّبِّ أُبِيدُهُمْ. 13دُفِعْتُ بِعُنْفٍ آَيْ أَسْقُطَ، لَكِنَّ الرَّبَّ عَضَدَنِي.           

It was very well received and Pastor told me they are going to give me 2,000 shekels a month to help with monday, thursday and sunday services. 

Akram is here. I took Dad out and we walked way down towards Ramon and then someone picked us up and brought us home. HE had tea with us and left. Amo Issa gave me barqooq and got mad. Telling me not to throw it away

Things are going pretty good for me right now. Mom said she didn't want me to stay here too long. I don't want to. 

This was my Facebook posting about church today

Prophetic Preaching -- I was preaching this morning about Psalm 118 and the way that the nose represents the gift of discernment. I sniffed and said, "I, for instance am able to discern when there is Mensef in a house or Maqloobeh." Turns out after church there was a huge mensef feast. Next week I'm preaching about Del Taco (if they have that in Ramallah I have a miracle ministry

Cousin Akram

Akram came last night and will be staying with us. He is a great man taking care of his parents and paying their mortgage 2,500 a month. He also has several cell phone businesses in Washington and is building a house in Deir Debwan.

HE is so amazing and doesn't draw attention to my unamazingness.

We had lunch with Amo Isa and Wasfieh. Great

Also, Dr K. came today and dad walked really good by himself.

Yesterday, Salam - Sarah's husband's son -- met Dad and me and when we were walking. He gave us a ride in his car first to Atta's and then we went to a place called Choms in the back of the village

It made me feel God was with me because Dad really needed that excursion even if it was a little long

Then Akram came over. We talked a long time. Really a top notch individual with a beautiful family. We walked around after wards too. That was great

I think he came at just the right time because I was getting pretty nasty and disrespectful

Grapes

One thing I have enjoyed doing during my stay in the Holy Land is going out under the grapevine in frong of Dad's house and picking the ripest grapes. First of all, it's a great escape. I can put on my headset and listen to November Rain or Freebird or Amazing Love and pick the grapes one by one.

Second, I think I may look cool. People will say, "Look at the American son of Musa. He loves to pick grapes (something very earthy and Falahi). It something that maintains my sense of distance and strangeness as well as makes me relatable.

Grapes have always figured big in my life. When I was young, I lived in Lodi, Calif. There they have the annual Grape Festival in celebration of the grape harvests which were part of California's great wine industry.

They would have all sorts of rides and ferris wheels, haunted houses, etc. I remember winning a huge brown and white teddy bear. I also won a stuffed reindeer.

Before my parent's divorce in 1972, I remember we went to the Grape Festival. It was an eventful fun night. Afterwards, we came home and went to the Evans' house next door. I remember seeing a British commercial about a woman in a car that was very cold and how the heater in the car didn't work. Then there was a program with a newlywed couple and the song "We've only just begun," came on.

When I was a teenager, I remember it was at the Grape Festival that I really began getting closer to Dad. He and I were on one of those short spurts of close fellowship. The rest of my family: Yusara and her kids and Fatima had gone to the Holy Land to live in the new house Dad had built. But I stayed with Dad in Lodi. I was also a Christian by then, as well.

Those days were special as they were among the only days I remember being so close to dad.

The grapes were also important to me as they reminded me of the one-notch-above-us Amo Mahmoud's house across the way. They were always better than us. Their house was better. Their kids were better looking. They were richer and famouser. They had a large vine, of course bigger than ours,  and it had larger, plumper grapes.

As I picked the grapes from Dad's vineyard, I felt that I was doing somehting that was reserved for the better-than-us crowd. It was a status thing.

I've heard stories of young men who come back to the Holy Land after being away for a long time. One thing their parents try to do for them is give them some of the foods they loved as children. I remember when Amo Ghannem came back. He wanted "suhber" which is prickly pears. He ate so many that he threw up. I remember hearing it from outside the house.

My picking and eating grapes, I felt was like that. I was the son coming back. But in a sense it wasn't like that. I wasn't originally from here like the others. I was originally from America and I ended up here. Then I came back more often than most and spent more time here than most.

So I wasn't really like those others. I never was. Plus it is well known that I am a Christian, a fact that has caused no small commotion in the village. I'm not sure how much commotion but I remember visiting my uncle Ibrahim with dad during the holiday Eid al Adha many years ago. When we got ready to leave, uncle Ibrahim said, "This makes up for the all the things he did."

When he said that I didn't how much people knew about me and what they knew.

When I was here last time, my sister told me that some people at the store said about me, "Not only is your brother a Christian but he preaches against Islam on TV."

Some people said they wanted to talk to me. One man with a great Taliban like beard who spoke perfect English always came around and tried to talk to me. I wouldn't talk with him.

When Amti Amina, the widow of Amo Mahmoud, died. I came to Deir Debwan even though  I wasn't invited by the siblings even though I did more for her than most of them. That day, Amo Hassan and I'm not sure who else were in front of the Amo Mahmoud's house. We started taking dead sticks off of the vine. So many branches were dried and dead. We just, strangely, started taking those dead branches down. I think we all knew that we didn't know what we were doing or why we just needed to do something to distract us so we started pulling down the dead branches of the vine.


That day one man complained about me not being married and Amo Hassan defended me, "Let him do what he wants."

Grapes also figure big in the Biblical history of Israel.

One of the main symbols of Israel was the two men carrying a huge bunch of grapes on sticks on their shoulders.

I watched some videos with Dad -- Feiruz; Sabah  Al Batata and Zakfe Zakfe. I shed a few tears with Zakfe. Then Dad started crying I don't know why.

-------------------------------

Sal Day

Went to Saleh's restaurant after I paid the power bill and the property tax which was almost $200.

Met Sal's wife who is very close to giving birth. In the next few days.

Sal was exceptionally nice. So was his wife.

At one point, she said about Sal, "someone who is a complete unbeliever," I said "He'll be back. He's my brother forever."

She later told me how she made the decision to no longer be Christian -- even though her parents were pastors of salvation army

They're into nature stuff and are even starting an arboretum.

After the whole day with them, I went to church. Pastor said he wants me to preach Sunday morning, maybe also lead worship

Surprise from Amjad. I told him I prayed with my Dad five times to receive the Lord. Amjad said, "Don't doubt. It arrived. He is saved."

That made it home with me.

I don't need to guess. It arrived.

Go Amjad

The food at the restaurant was pretty good

When I came home, Yusara told me what dad had done. He got up and walked by himself in Ihmaydi's room, she watched. He dug in the closet till he found this red and blue striped shirt and put it on. It looked perfect with the blue pajama bottoms he had on. So, I took him to see Akel. Akel kissed him and welcomed him as did another man who had his baby on the counter. Dad looked so cute as he smiled at Akel.


We walked back. Thngs are a little better with Yusara.

Falafel and Humus Day

Today, I took Dad for a walk to the Falafel place against Yusara's wishes. He wanted to go and I wanted to take him for a long time. It wasn't that awesome but it was a milestone. He walked good.

Borderline sucky day. I've been thinking of smart responses to some of Yusara's constant Islamic and otherwise words. One thing she always says to my dad when he starts walking is: "Say I take refuge in Allah from the stoned one satan." Today I said, "The devil doesn't dare come near me." Then Yusara said, "Say in the Name of Allah the merciful and Compassionate." I said, "In the Name of the Messiah."

After we got Dad in bed, she went out to the porch in her all white mecca gown to pray. I left. I went to the pharmacy to buy tape for dad. The tape was five shekels last time. This time it was 10. I didn't say thank you or anything. I just left. I won't go there again.

 I came back and told Yusara about the tape. She empathized with me.

I am struggling a little being here.

  not married
  no house
  no money
  no job
  the feeling that I'm being used because Yusara won't let her son Nasri or daughter Najwa come help
  the only redemption is that Himaydi spent five months here.
  Dad is doing OK
  He gets mad at me sometimes.
  I am sitting outside right now in the cool breeze listening to Amazing Love which has become a main stay for me since I was in Jerusalem

I also am listening to the My Refuge with Jehovah Nissi
and The Lord Reigns with the I stand in Awe of You
Also I am listening to Mighty Warrior with "Oh Come Let us Sing."


The video of dad walking has almost 600 views on the first day

I brought dad some beer from Akel's non alcoholic. Yusara was mad. when I told her it was non alcoholoic she said "Yin'al kithbak," curse your lies.

I started putting together my book 1002 Days

I got to chapter 8 taking the stories from the book "The gray zone."

Ribhieh just got home

I talked to her a little

Camela came today and Akram will come tomorrow

Aziz, Magida's bro came by yesterday and brought figs for Dad


The grapes from Dad's grapevine are turning black now. Almost sweet

Amo Issa bring barqooq all the time and Yusara gets mad she doesn't want anything from him in the house

Dad and I watched Sanford and Son together. He laughed but he really laughed when he watched Lawanda Page on the Dean Martin roasts.

I posted this today on Facebook

Dad making some good progress after hip replacement surgery:

The Doctor came by today and was in good spirits. I'm glad he's not mad because I asked him to come only twice a week. He was coming everyday and it was a bit much financially 200 shekels a pop. but Dad is making prgogress

Been watching Jesus of Nazareth with dad and yesterday we watched the healing of the man let down on a bed. I asked dad who it was he said: "Isa al Masih," I said Jesus. He said Jesus.

Also we watched healing of blind man.

He seems to pay attention when I play it

Monday, Monday

Dad was mad at me for most of today
We did walk to the pole

Then I went to church and preached about the Holy Spirit. They want me to cover for Michael and his wife for the next few weeks as they will be going to the U.S.

The message was well received by the kids.

Musa (dad) and Abed (his best friend)
They were born in 1934 in Deir Debwan (West Bank) 72 days apart
They were the best of friends growing up
In 1958, they boarded a ship together for Brazil to find work
In 1962, they came to America and started work
They would live with their families in Lodi, Calif. for over 40 years.
Today, they are both back in Deir Debwan where they've come to retire.
Both have health strugglesBut they're both still the best of friends after all these years.Sunday:

Went to Church today. Was good to see everyone.
Pastor gave me 200 shekels

wants me to do some lessosn for youth on Monday nights
also wants me to preach for him when he's gone

said they would help me wit transportation costs

got glasses fixed -- for free

then went to pay for property tax -- took number 470 and the number on the board was just 360 or so. then a girl give me the number 377. I thanked her. Two girls with hijabs. I thanked them and wondered if they were my two angels. I always get angels in two

In church one guy told me tha 15 years ago someone told him there were many people in Deir Debwan who were hungry for the Lord but were scared

He encouraged him to come and preach in the village.

I wonder if I know any of them?

Will I meet them?

Lord, if this is of You, don't let me miss this opportunity

I got $500 from church in Cyprus again -- will send it out ASAP

not the best of days so far

Its still early, around 11:30 a.m. Dad woke up early at 7, largely my fault for putting him to bed so early last night.
Am fuming over the cop killings in Dallas, I think it may have made me a bit angrier than usual to my family today.
Had breakfast with my dad after shaving him

I got my computer fixed but still don't have the Movie Captioner program it costs $100

I have been watching this video from Red Barrel days:

https://www.facebook.com/smashni/videos/vb.655455879/10152875053950880/?type=2&theater

also I've been watching these two quite a bit:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0zhUwraJiBBS0JiSkNwZmYyRXc/preview

and

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URlEejVl27g


HOsanna Integrity is back in my life especially

يا حصرتي Oh my sorrow

a few days ago dad said to me clearly "Yabayeh ya Hasarti" which means Oh my Sorrow

I didn't understand it I thought he meant something hurt but I looked it up today and saw what it means. I asked dad what he meant and he didn't respond


The confrontation

I don't know if and when and how it will happen. But it feels like it will eventually.
I am trying to prepare for it.

Dad's Dentures

Dad enjoys cleaning his dentures. I think it's the one thing he can do by himself and gives him a sense of purpose. Or else, he will see specks of dirt or tiny pieces of lint or paper on the floor and he will pick them up at great personal strain to himself. I think he just wants to do something.


What about the sadness of watching dad strain to move. He moves so slow and with so much strain and effort.

I wasn't here when this all happened but I'm here now to watch the results.

You just deal with it. YOu don't dwell on it. YOu just do what you can.

At the airport again

It's been a while since I've been here at LAX to leave the country. I clearly remember 1989. I had just graduated from college UNR and mom won 1,500 she gave me to go see my brothers and sisters in Israel. It had been 15 years since I saw them. It was pure heaven to be with them.

I remember my time at LAX back then. There men wearing floral island shirts and wearing those clunky Danish style shoes. On the plane they played the themes of all the James Bond movies: Nobody does it better; Goldfinger; Live and Let die; For your eyes only.

It felt like the whole world was organized like a movie for me to watch. Things were like they were supposed to be.

A few years later, I went to Croatia with Rusty Bolton. It was during the war. God had laid the plight of the Bosnian refugees on my heart a few weeks earlier and Rusty came up to me a few days later and asked if I was interested to go to Croatia with him and distribute medicine and write about it for the newspaper as I was working for the Daily Sparks Tribune at the time.

It was shortly thereafter in 1993, that I went to Youth with a Mission to go to a mission trip to Croatia, again. It was wonderful. We ministered to Bosnian refugees.

Then began the great travelling adventure in 1999 when I was sent as a missionary to the Holy Land by SLBC. I was there from 1999-2007. I would travel in a nd out of the country every few months. Many times, I travelled to Turkey, Cyprus; Spain, Egypt, Jordan, Iraq. I loved travelling.

In 2007, I went to Sweden and was here for three years. I travelled often to England, Holland, France, Belgium, Germany. I also went to Norway and Finland, Hong Kong and the U.S. and Jordan. It was wonderful.

But then in 2010, I came back to the U.S. and I didn't want to travel anymore. I liked staying in my city wherever that may be: Huntington Beach, Garden Grove; Santa Ana. I started playing music in open mikes, playing Christianized (by me) versions of Stairway to Heaven; Freebird; Nothing Else Matters; The Rain Song; etc.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iX7SQDsh4i0


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-h7s5PpEpyI


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irsCmn_ZKBw



https://www.facebook.com/smashni/videos/vb.655455879/10152875053950880/?type=3&theater

I did go back to the Holy Land in 2013 to the HOly Land when my dad hada stroke. I spent three months there and came back. I didn't leave the country except for a short trip to Mexico.

Today, I am on my way to the Holy Land again. Dad broke his hip and needs help. Ihmayde has been with him for several months and its only fair that I go and help. I will try to go three months.

I didn't know for sure if I should leave all my ministries here to go. I had some miracles along the way. For one, Ed allowed me to park my car at his home for my time in the Holy Land. Then Monir helped me by giving me the price of the ticket.

Then a few days ago, I found out that my old passport had expired on April 2016. I found out three days before I was to travel. I looked desperately around the internet for ways to get a new passport. There were headings like "Emergency Passport," etc. I found a place in Irvine I called Tuesday morning (I was to travel Friday).  

I called but they said they only had a few emergency passports a month but they used up their allowances for this month -- June. I was desperate. I read a Huffington Post article that said the best, cheapest way was to go through the Passport Office of U.S. I tried through Los Angeles and the soonest appointment was June 23. I was travelling the 17th. Then I tried San Francisco and it was the same June 23.

Then  I called the national office and a woman told me to try San Diego and she made an appointment for me the next day, Wednesday. I went  and took picture and did everything and spent six hours in San Diego that morning and I got my passport.

The lady told me the soonest they could get it to me was the next day, thursday at 3 p.m. I said that was OK, I had no choice. The she said, "Let me ask another agent," and she did and was told they could get my passport that same day at 3 which they did.

Now I am in the airport. Ed and Elaine were a great blessing. I had dinner there last night. I saw kids and everything. It was great. But when the boys took me home they listened to Led Zeppelin the whole way home: The Ocean, When the Levee Breaks; and Stairway to Heaven. I felt bad like  I was the reason they were listening to that.

Earlier that day, I went to Long Beach where I recorded my Christian Stairway to Heaven at Brandon's house. He is starting a Christian record label. I also recorded Rain Song. I think the guitar solo sounded hot. Also, the night before I played Freebird at the DRNK coffee house. Rodney played bass with me and I had a backing track. I also did Everyone Wants to be Free. A strange thing, Sean, who does the Fox Coffee House open mike, fell off his chair at the open mike and we had to pick him up and put him back on the chair. I was behind him and tried to comfort him. Then he stood up and fell again and hit his head on teh edge of hte table. It was really scary.

I asked him if he wanted to leave and that I would drive him home. He said he had a ride. i walked him out with a couple of other guys and he went in a car and went home. It was my turn immediately and I played Freebird and Everyone..... It was well recieved but I didn't feel like it "soared." It was OK. I did "soar" the night before at the Wine Bar. I played two of my songs "Gonna Fly" and "Shannon." I was greatly complimented. It was great. I also told "Little Dorothy" that I was a Christian and the Jesus could give her peace. She was 100 percent receptive  but she did let me pray for her.

Another thing that is going on right now is that Robert Plant and JImmy Page are in a Los Angeles court being sued for Stairway to Heaven rip off of the opening rift. (The same day that I was recording my Christian Stairway to Heaven." lol

Also there had been the massacre at the Orlando gay bar a few days ago and then the alligator that dragged the kid to his death in Orlando, Disney resort.

Lots of things going on. Of late, I have been on a Judge Judy binge. I have been watching her non stop on Youtube. It started with watching the Queen of the Court on Dromebox. The "queen" says that he loves court shows. I never really watched one so I started watching Judge Judy and fell in love with it. It was a form of self flagellation. I kept imagining what she would say to me if I was in front of her: "You're an idiot," that's the best line. It's insulting enough to sting but harmless enough to be funny. Then she always asks "Where do you work?" "You have to have a full time job."

She also had a great exchange with deadbeat dad musician. She asked the dad what kind of work he did. He said, he was a musician. She asked him if he had any gigs. He said, "At the Beach Hut Deli," (where I always play on Mondays). She asked, "Is that like Carnagie Hall?"

Then there was another episode where there was a guy who was a Mashni. I posted that one on Facebook.

It so funny to watch her berate all the lazy druggies who come before her.

I am at the LAX now. Mokhtar brought me here. He was very nice to do it. I left my apartment in Santa Ana. I gave away everything - sofa; bed; bookshelfs; drawers; refrigerator; tables, coffee maker.

Great.

Threw away a lot of stuff. Lots of garbage.

I filled all my stuff into the Trailblazer and parked it in front of Ed's house. He was so helpful to do that.

I am sitting here at 11:58. My plane is at 1:45. I came early, as usual.

Open Mikes:

Fox's -- I had some struggles there as I felt Sean was mean to me. I said so once. He objected but I insisted. Things are OK since then. But then his incident at DRNK that I wrote about. There's been a few milestones there: When I first did November Rain with backing track it was really well received. Kids started waving cell phones in the air. Then my Stairway to Heaven, I did there almost has 4,000 views.

DRNK -- I like this one because I get to try my backing tracks. I did: Freebird: Stairway: November Rain and Don't Cry. Don't Cry was really the best I've done (lead wise). It's cool that he kid who leads it, Brandon is a Christian.

Wine Bar -- Only went there once but was so well received. Great time

Bogarts -- I like this one because the kid who does the board really like when I play what he calls "scorching guitar solos." Gives me confidence to try new things.

Beach Hut Deli -- Used to be with RD who  I really liked. Now Cris Cruz doing it and he is brutally honest. He tells me that my solos aren't that big a deal. He encourages me to stick to my acoustic stuff.  I appreciate his comments.

Bar 20 -- Not there so often but usually I'm the first (lets get him out of the way) act. But its always fun and I like the people I play with there. Tom Stemburg from Brass Monkey days is there.

Augustinos -- Love going there. Great food and friends. I got to do November Rain. Not earth shattering but I was complimented about lead. One guy told me "YOu're not Slash."

Gypsy Den -- The guy there hardly ever complients me. He always seems angry and he always puts me last. Have stopped going there. Used to go every week.

Knowlwood -- Went there a long time on Friday nights. Had fun. I did several songs for the first time there: CArry On My Wayward Son; NOvember Rain; Simple Man; Freebird; Stairway. This one closed down.

Red Barrel -- This was a Tuesday night favorite. Had great fun there and felt like family with waitress Emily. But this one closed down.

Shades of Africa -- Haven't been there in a while. They really got into the Kwanza thing. But  I go there sometimes.

Georges - I went once to George's it is the same night as DRNK. I like both will alternate.

Rebel Bite -- I've been there a few times. It's OK. A little dirty in the comedy department. Also raunchy suff. But Shy runs its and I go every few months. A little hard to get on list. On Monday, I played "Gonna Fly" and "Everyone...." Was great.

Royal Cup -- I don't like the atomosphere here because of the Bhuddas on the mantle behind where we play. I went there a few times and have stopped pretty much. Had some good times there.

Hennessey's In Laguna Beach -- This one was really becoming fun. I went there with Michael Bashir. I did my own music and then I did NOvember Rain and there was the kid Christian who like to do sing like Axl Rose and he sang it was great. Then we did "Don't Cry," together. HE was amazing. But this one closed down too.

DromeBox -- I've played there several times. Teh gigs are in the DromeBox archive. Have enjoyed it. Took friends with me twice and those two times didn't really work out that great. But the other times were really good.

Sam Ash -- This was the main one for a long, long time but now that Rodney's gone, it isn't that great anymore. I've been there but it doesn't seem to draw people like before.  Still it has a warm spot in my heart since it was the first place I played.

Anyway, I am at airport. They brought by bomb sniffing dogs a few times that smelled my stuff - I had beef jerkey. lol

No one even flinches when the huge German Shepherd comes up to them and smells their stuff. Strange days.

Need to go pee.

I'm in Tel Aviv. I got in so easy. Halleluyah

I got a 3 month Stay Permit. I can stay till Sept 19

I am sitting outside the airport now. I will go to Jerusalem and sleep there and then go to Chruch in morning and then I will go to Deir Debwan.

Monday --

I took off this morning from Jerusalem. I came on the bus from Jerusalem to Ramallah. Then I came from Ramallah to Deir Debwan in a taxi. Ihmaydi was giving dad a bath. HE smiled when he saw me.

Amo Aziz came by and we spoke a while about Khaled and Walid

Also Amo Isa came by and was very nice. It was great to see him.

Najat is going to make dinner

I can’t understand dad hardly at all. I fed him breakfast and he didn’t eat much. HE is sleeping now in the living room.

I haven't called anyone yet because I want t to surprise them in Deir Debwan

Glory, glory. Halleluya. Glory, glory.

Waiting for Sharout its. 60 shekels to go to Jerusalem. I will rent hotel room tonight

I will call Hmaydi when I get in

Sunday: 19th

I decided to spend a few nights in Jerusalem before going to Deir Dibwan. I got a room at this hotel for 250 a night, ugggh. I was rude as usual to the guy at the desk. I got a falafel and bread and some oranges and had a decent filling meal.

In morning I went to Old City. Saw my old friend at the candy place where I used to always hang out. He did accept the Lord at one point I don’t know where he stands now. He told me instantly that he had been seeing me on TV. He said I was talking about “Mak’r” the deciever. I have done episodes about that.

He told me I was “shaki” or “naughty.”

That scared me a little. I went to church but it was closed so I went to New City. Hung out at Ben Yahuda had coffee. Watched a guy play guitar by a place called “Lion of Judah.”

Then I went back to Old City and hung out at Christ Chruch for a while and finally decided to go back to the chruch. I saw Siman and Fatula first, then Pastor Mazen and Sohail and his wife. I also saw Shereen and her husband and Victor. It was great to see them.

Then I went to Western Wall and Temple Institute. The Temple Institute really has developed since I was last there.

They insist that they already have started the Temple

Two: They say blatantly “we” know where the Ark of the Covenant is, in tunnels underneath the temple. They also say that the Dome of the Rock is the location of the Holy of Holies.

Whew!!!

Then I went to Henry’s store in OLd City and spent a few hours talking with him. His Sister the blonde died a few months ago. He seemed tired poor guy. While I was there a guy came in and said instantly that he recognized me from programs with Father Zakaria. I pretended it wasn’t me as I wasn’t sure who or waht he was. Then he told me to take my hat off, I did and he said, “It’s you.”

I told him it was. Then his wife came in and said she recognized me too. I asked them not to tell people I was here.

I’m feeling a little bad about what the guys said aobut me being “naughty.” I admit it was hard at times to progress with the programs with knowing how Muslims would be angered. But in a sense, I want them to be shaken out of their complacency and come to a knowledge of Christ. It still stings though.

Monday

I made it to deir Debwan. I took bus from Jerusalem to Ramallah and then a taxi from Ramallah to Deir Debwan. I got here and everyone was happy to see me. Himaydi was giving dad a bath

Dad smiled when he saw me. He is very weak. He slept almost all day. Lots of relatives friends came by:

Aziz

Ribhia

Genayin son

Mahfoutha son

Mahfoutha

Khateema and daughter

Another woman I don’t know and her daughter

Saleh Ayed

Amo Isa

Others

I went to Ribhia’s afterward to have Qatayef

It is Ramadan and everything is about Ramadan here now. TV, everything. Its the same game they play around Christmastime in the west on TV

It’s all about money

Najat asked me, “How do you see him?”

I wasn’t sure if it was a snide remark. I said, “I see him as he is.”

I slept well and awoke around 8. Dad wanted to go to the bathroom, I took him. He’s back in bed now

Lord Jesus. It seems like we live so much of our lives for ourselves and then a big part of our lives is dedicated to help the aged and dying. I know You said, “Let the dead bury their dead.” How does that apply here?

When I was in the hotel in Jerusalem, the Lord brought to mind a song from Graham Kendrick and it reawakened in me my love for Hosanna Integrity. I’ve even started loving old “Jehovah Nissi” and “O Come let us Sing for Joy to the Lord.”

June 28

Dad has started walking a little with the cane. I don’t know how much that means towards his independence as a walker. He seems very dependent still. I feel bad. I lost my temper with him because he took off his catheter and drove Yusra crazy. He was wrestling with her as she was trying to change the catheter - the second time tonight. I feel like she is looking for a way out of this insanity. For some reason, I empathize with her a little.

I am not out of control. I have peace in the midst of this story. I went to church Sunday and saw Shukri and his family. It was wonderful to see everyone. I almost feel like I’m where I’m supposed to have been when I fled 3 years ago.

Last night Dad started asking for Amo Isa. (first time) I went and got him as he was coming home from prayers at the mosque. He was very nice to me -- quite unusual for him. Khadeja came by yesterday and dad cried. He loves al Abed and Khadeja so much.

I’ve been getting kind of close to Abdel Aziz too. He comes by almost every day. We had dinner at Najat’s house last night.

I’ve been going through the strain of the family here trying to pressure me to stay longer than the three months. When Khadeja was here she asked me if I would. I said, in front of Yusara - Nasri could come and Najwa to to help. Yusara of course said that Nasri has his family and can’t.  She won’t let him.

This is a point of contention between us I try to avoid. Maybe God wants me here now. I’m a lot holier here than I am in America.

Rick wrote to me yesterday and asked how I was. I told him to tell Mom to send me messages on Facebook. I really want her to just to keep that connection.

I’m kind of mad that I had to ask. She should have just done it, I feel.

But Rick’s message is nice.  

At Chruch Sunday, I felt a little like a celebrity. Everyone knew me. Michael welcomed me from the pulpit and his wife said they were really excited that I was back. She was happy that I might be here a year.

There will be boxes in this journal about things I learn as I take care of dad

I feel bad when I see dad sitting just staring or with his head on his hand. I always want to keep him entertained or happy. But maybe I don’t need to. Maybe he’s OK. I’m not sure.

Also Yusara is suffering. I realized that I have to take care of her a little too. She is easy to take advantage of because she is so giving and undemanding but I think she is tired. She needs appreciation and gentleness too.

A Poem

28 purple petals from a purple rose

Along the concrete ledge lined up in perfect little rows

Fell from thorny branch like a rickety old crick

Bouncing up and down as if to hit you with a stick

Whack upside the head, reality is like a shower

The hurricane that laughs as it pounces with its power

And count the little petals and remember all the pasts

But know its just illusions upon which our eyes are cast

I picked a petal just to smell the fragrance of the rose

A distant long ago as it barely touched my nose

But something of it lingered maybe just to say

No one ever noticed till upon this ledge I lay

The wind it came so cruelly and it ripped me from my place

And brought me down to where my color is my only grace

I’ll shine for you my purple like an sparkling amythyst

To the gray old concrete I’ll bring a moment of pure bliss

Daddy was a sailor as he sailed on the sea

He learned to scan the sky and feel the waters underneath

The heights were never so high that he’d feel  taken

The lows never so low though he felt himself forsaken

It must be how his mamma gave him bread to give away

To farmers with fresh vegetables

They’d give as if to pay

It worked every time and that’s how daddy learned his trade

You’ll not lose what you own because of what you give away

Daddy was a singer though he never played guitar

His words were like poetry from near and from afar

Many came to rest beneath the shadow that he cast

Kindness like a river, no shame in what has passed

The healing touch he had he earned with wounds

He gladly gave away

And those who knew him, knew him well

When all would leave, he’d stay

But now the wind and waves have torn the ship away

The sailor he now stranded on the bed pon which he lay

His songs have fallen silent with a stroke that took his words

But still his song sings in me among the best I ever heard

28 purple petals from a purple rose

Along the concrete ledge lined up in perfect little rows

Fell from thorny branch like a rickety old crick

Bouncing up and down as if to hit you with a stick

I picked a petal just to smell the fragrance of the rose

A distant long ago as it barely touched my nose

But something of it lingered maybe just to say

No one ever noticed till upon this ledge I lay

I played this video for Dad today: He watched 35 minutes of it. Then I asked him who it was. He said, It was Najwa Fouad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzsM0sjkOsE

Abed came by today. He is 70 days older than dad. He didn’t know who I was. He looked strong though.

June 29

Today Dad watched two episodes of Sanford and Son. I shared the gospel with Dad the other day and when I said in Arabic Jesus died for our sins in Arabic, I asked him what is “khataya” he said, “sin.”

I said Jesus died for our sin and I made him pray with me to ask Jesus in his heart

Amo Issa has been really nice to me.

We tried to have dad sleep without the hose but he wet the bed so bad and Yusara got mad. I suggested it because of the amount of confrontation between dad and Yusara over it. I don’t know if it’s so but I may be beginning to see her for who she is. She has suffered so much from dad. I maybe took advantage of her too. I am trying to be nicer.

I walked around Deir Debwan tonight all the way up to the pharmacy by the school and down past Rashid’s house and up teh sahel street and to Akel’s store.

June 30

Got abou 500 dollars from denari. Amo Isa took me to the old house and showed it to me. Then the doctor didn’t come today so I walked dad and Amo Isa came and took us around in his car. I wanted to go to church but it was too late

I shared the Gospel plainly with Dad today and told him he must accept Jesus into his heart. He prayed with me and when I asked him if Jesus was in his heart now, he gave me that “I don’t know,” gesture.

This is fourth time

I wrote to Pastor Ray about my concern about “let the dead bury their dead”

This is my question and his response:

Hi Pastor Ray: How are you? I am fine. I am in Israel with my father. He is very old and weak. He had a stroke three years ago and fell a few months ago and broke his hip. He is undergoing therapy to walk. He can't do anything by himself hardly. I came planning to be here three or four months but my family keep pressuring me to stay longer - up to a year. I'm am conflicted about Jesus saying - Let the dead bury their dead - How do you interpret this?

I think you have the proven heart to serve the LORD under any circumstances so I do not think there is a challenge to you for that.   If I were you I would probably consider staying but put it before the LORD to guide you.   There are times we have to continue on with our life and ministry and times to stay.   I had to put my mother in a home due to dementia and move back to Reno.   That was hard.   So I will pray for the LORD’S guidance for you.   I regret not being there for my mother even though I visited her more than any of my siblings…these are not easy decisions.   Bless you my friend and brother.

Ihmaydi sent some money, Najat told me

Am not really bummed. With Internet and worhsip music I can pretty much endure. But I feel like maybe I should be better than this. In Deir Dibwan all my old friends have huge enomrous houses and grandkids.

The Jiggy Jaguar interview was on the cover of the AlFadyTV website -- hillarious. But Abouna did a good job on the interview.

July 1?

Not a good morning so far. After I bathed dad and everything, he dirtied his daiper. I had to  clean him all over again. I was meaner than I should have been. I asked him, “Are you going to shit again?” He looked at me with this desperate look, knowing that I was frustrated almost crying he said, “NO.”

Father forgive me in the Name of Jesus

I got through these inner struggles about Nassri and Najwa not helping. But Ihamydi did enough for all of them and I haven’t been here for three years. I wonder if the reason my show isn’t successful is because I left my responsibility here.

I got a phone little one 150 shekels. So small and doesn’t have much memory

WE watched an episode of Sanford and Son -- he laughed a few times

I put on an old Bob Hope show and he laughed several times

Today is the Eid --

lots of people have come by and I went and visited Dhahabieyeh and her family. I asked her husband if they had pictures of his father when he was young -- Mazen. I told them how much I loved him. He was a unique young man who was so kind though he had nothing to gain from me. He also helped me when I bought a bike for Nassri in 1989.

Tomorrow I get preach at church. I will preach about the gates of Jerusalem in Nehimiah's time:

Sheep Gate

Fish Gate

Old Gate

Valley Gate

Dung Gate

Fountain Gate

Water Gate

Horse Gate

Eastern Gate

Inspection

The other day one of my dad's guests asked if I was fasting for Ramadan. I said no. I said I fast but I'm not fasting now.

Yusara confronted me last night told me I was a laughingstock for not being married, owning house, not having money.

I told her, "I left everything, my home, my job to come help you and you talk about me like this?"

I went with Najat to Dhahabiyeh's house.

My computer broke and I had to spend $100 at Atta's son's store to get it fixed including a better harddrive.

One thing I am not sure I wrote about was about the Isaiah 42 promises God gave me when I was on the planed before landing in Tel Aviv:

I said, ‘You are my servant’;
    I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

11 “All who rage against you
    will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you
    will be as nothing and perish.
12 Though you search for your enemies,
    you will not find them.
Those who wage war against you
    will be as nothing at all.
13 For I am the Lord your God
    who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
    I will help you.
14 Do not be afraid, you worm Jacob,
    little Israel, do not fear,

I shared this with the guy who sat next to me on the plane and he said: "I'm glad God told you that,"

Yusara spoke to me about the money that is spent 

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