Jerusalem trip (not mine)

am in DD with dad toady. yusara and najwa went to jerusalem. originally, dad and i and najat were going but no car way found (supposedly). i dont care i didn't really want to go. i will go with dad and najat tomorrow.

lazy day. we slept alot.
i was so tired yesterday. P. Monir is back and I'm concerned he's not as enthused about me as before. that's OK. also i will be going to Cyprus on 12-15 to be with Elie.

will come back and renew my visa that way


Mom sent me a message that she missed my birthday beacause she has so many appointemnts with rick. that made me feel guilty

there's like this battle inside me -- should i be here or there

Had some of dads friends come by yesterday - man and wife. they bragged up and down about hteir kids and grandkids, which is OK. I think eveyrone does. but one thing they said that bothers me and everyone says is "Everything from Allah is so wonderful.." it so easy to say that when you're not hte one suffering.

I suppose there is a Jobesque element to that saying "Though He slay me yet will I trust Him."

I'm just wondering who should be the one to say it. the sufferer or the friends of the sufferer

I am thinking alot about Job these days.

Najat came by. Not so bad a day. Im not feeling that bad right now. around 430 we can go sit outside
dad took a pen and is writing something. I don't know what

its a purple pen

he wrote his name in arabic beautifully

we watched some Jesus videos then some red foxx videos

Akram called and talked to dad

he's been really dependable he said its cool if i want to go veg on his roof

I wonder about this time. God plans everything. The Bible says a mans steps are ordered by the Lord. So my being here can't be a mistake. It's been really fun being here in spite of the challenges. I got to preach a lot and I am a little bit of a celebrity here. Was recognized in the Church of the Holy Sepluchre and the Church of the Nativity. Got to see Fadi, Wael, Sandrene, Ludi, Juju's wedding (gave 200 shekels). Saw George who came to DD. Saw Rami and Shukri and family. Have had great impact I feel at the churches.

Dad seems happy I'm here.

Dad is the same Dad. He just is slower now and you can't really understand him. He is completely dependent which he never was. I wonder what it must be like -- the humiliation -- of having us give him a bath, etc. What is must be like. Do you feel embarrassment? Do you get used to it? Do you just push the feelings down for survival sake?