one day at a time

been struggling with dad for the last hour or so, it's 830 a.m. i was comforted somewhat that both he and yusra are snoring up a snorefes that means both are asleep and i have a few minutes of peace. . he's been trying to get out of bed for thelast hour. i keep telling him its too early. she is rightly tired. poor lady. we had great discussion about islam and Christianity last night. she sahred some of her beliefs about muslims who deal with christians that they die early. its crazy. then when i told her the verse 33:50 about mo's many available women and i had forgotted that the word "yustankihooha" was in there. it kind of shocked her i think. i pushed it and she was unable to defend it. she  tried to change the subject was unable


i hope this opens up the door to talk more plainly


i deep having to tell day "nazel ijrayk" put you legs down and go back to sleep...

had the talk

had a long, long talk with Yusra very amiable and trusting on both sides

it told her about why Jesus died and how God loves her

she told me how she feels something guiding her

she told me of a dream she had of an army protecting the house when she was alone with teh kids in the 70s

then I read to her Surat al Ahzab 50. she would change the subject and say she didn't believe it I would not let it go telling her this is allahs words to mo.

not sure where it will lead but I feel I did what I came here to do


i think the door is open for more conversations



this is after the hat incident......

Preached in Ramallah

i think it was great based on comments and how I felt. I was reallllllly tired mostly because dad didn't let me sleep much last night.

The cat and the hat:

If you remember the cat situation that happened when I was here in 2013 ---

today was another incident == Y said that the hat that I was wearing, the one Randy got from where he was with a lizard on it is the enemy of Muslims. She said she didn't want me to wear it in the house. She, or someone left a beige hat on the bed. when I was at church I looked at the hat and there is writing on it. It said either Mohammed and a bunch of dots after it or "muharar" freed and then "sh" like freed from satan
she knows what she did. someone else wrote the message on the hat. at church folks. the dentist said to just pretend nothing happened since that has no power over me. his wife said that my weakness is my step mother..

i was seriously considering what i should do when Nicoli kind of just told me to brush it off as the nothing it i

another Friday

Dad made e nough noise last night that I got up and changed him and went back to sleep. Then he and I both went back to sleep. I stayed in living room until 4 a.m. and then went to the room. I slept till around 10 30 he slept till past noon

then he sat in teh house all day with red blanket around him

I took him for a walk and he walked all the way to the street and back with the walker

I asked him several times if he wanted to go back and he said no he wanted to go to the end

then i went ot quality store and the son of SArah's husband I think Ibrahim was there and he said he didn't know I had come. I said that I don't get out as much because dad can't go out like before. He had a very sincere smile and look in his eye. he was happy that I'm here.

the owner of Qurality too.


Yusra told me this morning that my baseball cap with the lizard, the lizard is the enemy of Muslims she said. I said isn't it a creation of God?
She said she wouldn't let me give my dad a bath unless I took it off, it was off at the time. I told her its the symbol of the island where my friend (Randy) went.

she  wanted to give him a bath because it is Friday and he needs to be pure.

I said i would bathe him she wouldn't let me -- largely because of my hat

then in teh bathroom he fell and she needed help pulling him up.
I said I thought you didn't want my help. She said I don't want you to bathe him.

yeah

whatever.

Dhahabya had aother baby boy: Amir this is along with her older son Sofyan

Also Shayla had a baby: Zephyr

Ramleh

preached last night. Really good reception. I preached 33 minutes and did a song about Rafah as a prayer. I also asked them to pray for Y. Everyone did it was great. Slept in Ramallah.
Just got home

am home with Dad now. He said: Quero senta aqui.

am having to prepare for Sunda which I want to make about Mary Sister of Lazarus

dad is inside

sleeping as TV plays. its cold I put on the heater

had coffee from Akel and a chocolate muffin. Brought one for dad

I also have a coconut pastry Akel told me I would like

He told me I am his cousin via Awawdeh

its a little cold on the patio its about 2:44. Munhafeth == wheather conditions ==


gray skies

a cat just tried to come in i kicked him out. hope he will come again

President Trump has been vindicated in the Russiagate. I'm watching CNN 2016 election coverage again to celebrate

Palestinian TV playing in the background. I think its similar ot the IRish music in terms of sadness

I told Dad: They told you that you would go to hell because I am not a Muslim. That's a lie. You will go to heaven because of Jesus. Both of us will.

preachd at church

had a pretty good day. went to church and preached this morning. on the way Imad told me all about his kid who is sick in America. I told him he should go if he can. My sermon was well received. Had great reactions: one lady told me "everytime you bring fire," another said she recorded the whole thing, others complimented me as well and Michale wants me to go with him on Tuesday. I already told Yusra.

had a go around with  Yusra. She locked the door and took the key at 9 p.m. I called Najat and said I felt myself imprisoned when she does that. Najat said she was going to call Najwa and have her talk to her mother. I called Najat back and said I would try to talk to Yusra. I did. I asked her why Ihmaydi could come and go as late as he wanted and I couldn't.

She told me the key was on the TV. when I told her I felt myself imprisoned, she mocked me as if I was a fool to say that. Maybe I am a little. But it worked. I got the keys and they're in the door. I'm at rest.

main thing the fire is quenched. she already had a meaningless argument with Najat.

I figured if Najwa or someone else called it would have exploded.

Thank you Jesus things are quiet now, again.

in a sense the fact that she said that I was foolish for feeling that way maybe is a good thing because it is so far from her mind what I was thinking.




Peace in teh valley

Father let there be peace in this valley. Please let things go smoothe. It's a funny situation. It's hard to know all the rights and wrongs of everything. I know my brothers and sisters and doing more than I am.

just reading about Yemen's war. i wonder if i should be doing something more about it.

ONe Day at a Time

I've been thinking about that song recently.

life is more bearable here when you are living one day at a time. It's difficult to think about the future here

also the new PC ONe Day at a tTime was cancelled on NeTFLIX

didn't have to take

terrible night

i went to church and had a good time but i came home and dad was really having problems last night
.
he kept kicking and clawing all night long until about 3. it was one of the worst displays i've seen

i went into room about 3 and slept until about 8 and yusra was picking him up off the bathrrom floor and I told her to let me get him

she talked me into going back to bed.

had good breakfast am drinking tea
dad is doing prayer motions

had decent night's sleep. i think everyone did

everyone seems to be feeling better today. good sleep. Mercy of God
i have been watching supremes videos today and some old open mike performances -- band on the run

Told Y. the sotry of the adulterous woman who kissed Jesus feet......she said everything is possible whether Muslim or Christian

at home this morning. drank coffee. Dad slept good. I did too. was so tired yesterday
listened to Esther today/last night.. as it is the first day of Purim in Israel

what i can feel good about

show
wiht FZ
show with David
show with Hazem
my children in the Lord
Mary, Loca, Angelo, Jefferson, Gaza group, Ahab, Motessum, Jacob

another not so easy day

woke up early bathed dad and took him wiht Najat to hospital. HE had a shot of Zoladex:
got back after hot, long, crowded driving and pushing wheel chair in Ramallah hospital and   all over Ramallah. It was a very tiring day and since I didn't sleep very well.

when i got back dad didn't want to go in. He wanted to go out. I was so tired and wanted to rest. He didn't want to. He kept trying to go out.

finally i took him out to sit outside the gate. then i went to buy juice and came back. he and yusra were walking

then I said I wanted to visit Wasfieh. I did and took a long time. When I got back yusra was furious at me for something or other about dad.

later Yusra said to me when I said I want to go to the store: Go there but don't go anywhwere else. I said"I'll go wherever I want."

it was a breaking free moment

I gave dad the meds  before bedtime.

I think I learned something about dad at night. When he starts kicking and stuff to get up. Let him get up and walk to bathroom or whatever and then show him that it is night and take him back to bed. It worked last night

Sameer's Market is the largest supermarket in our neighborhood. There are four such markets in my village of about 4,000 people in the West Bank about 15 miles from Jerusalem, which is visible on a mountain ridge across a few valleys.
It's not a Costco or Walmart by any means. It's more the size of a 7-11. They recently started selling fresh American coffee. I buy a cup almost every day.
I've been here since mid-March. It's my fourth trip to the Holy Land to help care for my aging father. I came in 2013 when he first had a stroke. I stayed three months. I came back in 2016 after he fell and broke his hip. I stayed for five months. I came back in 2018 for another three months. And this is my fourth trip.

Dad is very weak. He can't do anything by himself, even stand up from a chair. Recently it was discovered he has prostate cancer. At 85 years old, they are not sure what they can do about it here.

I came to replace my younger brother who helps his mother, (my step-mother) to care for my dad.

Today, I bought the black American coffee from Sameer's Market and came back home. Dad looked at me as I was drinking it. 

"Do you want some?" I asked. He shook his head, "Yes."

"This is American coffee Dad," I said. "Like you used to drink in America. Remember you drank it at Denny's."

"Denny's" he mumbles as he drinks the coffee.

"And remember Sambo's?" I asked as he drank.

"Sambo's" he mumbles. Then he starts on a lengthy talk about America. I don't understand anything he's saying. The first stroke took his ability to talk. He only mumbles and grunts for the most part unintelligible words.

I shake my head in agreement. Then I say a few names he'd remember from his three decades in Lodi, California.

"Remember Lodi Avenue, Dad?"

"Lodi Aven....."

"Remember Mr. Evans?"

"Mr. Evans....."

He is animated when mentioning these names. They clearly spark pleasant memories to him.

I am planning to be here until April 24. While I am here I will preach at some local churches in the Holy Land. I get small offerings that help pay for some of the expenses of being here.

It's an extremely daunting time in the Holy Land as well. There has been a lot of problems on the Temple Mount which to the Muslims is called the Haram al Sharif (Noble Sanctuary). It is also known as the Dome of the Rock. There is a gate of the Old City called by the Jews "The Eastern Gate." The Muslims call it the Gate of Mercy. This particular gate has been sealed shut for centuries because it is believed by the Jews that it will only be opened when Messiah comes through it. The Prophet Ezekiel said:  The Lord said to me, “This gate will stay shut and will not be opened. No one may enter through it because the LordGod of Israel entered through it. It must be kept shut. 3 Only the prince may sit there and eat food in the presence of the Lord. He will enter through the entrance hall of the gateway and leave the same way.”

a day that began in the

a day that began on the night before
Dad was grunting searching for the floor
his wife she was nervously standing by the door
and I tried to keep the ground from falling in
It a daily ritual, nightly to be sure
what awaits and how no one knows for sure
dad will start his agitations i will start to sweat
even in the coldest night, bed linens are wet
Father up in heaven, I'm calling like a man
Who understands how far and near we stand
I'm so unworthy of Your honors and grace
I'm so in need of Your hand to move this place
A mountain to an ocean
A tree into a sea
the roots still long and hanging
for everyone to see
there's things inside this heart of mine
I try so to conceal
they boil sometimes to the surface
depending how I feel
Your Holy Spirit river
made a walk around
the unforgiving agitations
in this heart I found
One man called it unbrideled
One man calls it free
I find the contradiction
Staring back at me
I dare not judge myself
Like Paul one days said
I'll lean upon the pillar
Lay my weary head
FAther please in Jesus' Name
Don't be too upset
With my failure to measure up
To what I think I could
It's just a few more days
and then my turn to fly
Lord if I could thank YOu
For what You've done inside
The river of living water
That flows day to day
The bread of life that satisfies
and keeps me on the way
Jesus Lord Beloved Friend
I'm sorry for my sins
I thank You Oh So for Your grace
Please keep me in Your hands
And let me soar to heights in You
Your glory here to show
The errors of my past mistakes
Into the sea You pour
Help me make a difference
If only these few days
Given by Your grace to me


there was an opeartion at the Salfit junction and one Israeli soldier was killed. I'm not happy with the glee I see about the killing.

We went and got a wheel chair for dad. I paid the 500 shekels for the deposit. We get it back when we return the chair if no problems with it.

feeling not too great

have been home for a few days here am frustrated. Got mad at Dad last night. He messed up really bad.
Dad just fell asleep while drinking juice i bought for him.
I've been struggling a little with the jealousy today. Looking at the glorious work that John is doing in Gaza. Also David Wood and all the people he ministers with. Then there's Azad and his ministry and even Yohanna.

Jealousy is not a motivation to do what's right though it does say God will use Gentiles to make the Jews jealous so they will come to Christ.

watching Josef Prince. I needed to get a grace infusion. I was thinking about abusers. We ride them off and put them in an irredeemable class. I was feeling bad after anger at Dad last night and the night before.

Yusra said some thing at night that made me a little sad
She said she had picked two oranges from one of the trees around the house and said that they weren't sure I was going to come so she saved them.

terrible day in new zealand

a gunman killed 27 muslims at prayer in a mosque in New Zealand. unbelievable

dad had a terrible night....
i slept behind him on sofa

then in mrning he woke me. he had shit on the floor and was dragging his shitty urine bag around. I cleaned the shit. i cleaned him and the bag and put him back to bed. he was asleep last i saw

Yusras asleep. She woke up a while and went back to bed

i think

was a terrible night. Dad was bad all night

he doesn't know what he's doing

i gave him a bath and had breakfast

i'm here kind of bummed waiting for the day to end so the night comes again

i like the nights

what happened in New Zealand will be proclaimed for years and will be considered by Muslims as an attack by Christians.

dad

there's been a few times I've wrestled with dad to stop him from taking his blankets off and and his clothes.

once 1he was on teh toilet and was trying to do something. i controlled his hands just to let him know i was stronger than him

another time i shoved him for taking his clothes off or peeing on

another time i yelled at him for taking a dump right after i changed his daiper

tonight i fought with him

i kept putting his blankets back on him and telling him to go back to sleep


i felt bad for everything tonight
1. i had to leave a meeting early to come help them put him to sleep
2. Yusra went on her "I can't do this...." shenanigans telling me not to be late again
3. Dad kept getting up. once he started to take his clothes off as if to take a bath and it was 10 p.m.

I feel bad for a few things:
1. that i don't have money to take him and her to America with me
2. thyt she has to put up with this and she has
3. that Ihmaydi puts up with it
4. Where JEsus said let the dead bury their dead

i worry he might be in pain
i see the

My uncle

my uncle has been nice to me lately. he isn't usually nice to me. he has always been harsh and disappointed with me. but lately he has been nice coming over all the time. he told us stories of the family from long ago. like the deaf man story.....

little conf.

this morning y. put the TV so loud i asked her to turn it down.... she said it will guide you and I said Jesus guided me. I can't follow a man who married a 6 year old girl. She said stop this "kufur," it is still loud. Dad is sitting there watching it.

I am waiting to hear from the JEricho minsitry to see if they have a chair for dad. Taysir told me to call them and tell them I worked with them.

went around and saw Ibrahim the Halak and Atta and it was good to see them. I went to Beledia to see the mayor but he wasn't there. He is in America. The vice mayor is here his name I think is Abu Samir.

things are quiet. I'm sitting in my room listening to Bethel Music.

alot is going on on teh Temple Mount.

some Israelis are thinking of building a synagogue and it is likely to start a religious war. Iran will get involved through its proxies.....



With every breath I'm going to sing of the goodness of God

Mashnis

just found out from Akel that our neeighborhood is known for magic and witchcraft. He it is called the neighborhood of witches for the past 50 years.

crazy night

spent most of yesterday with Dad in the house. went out a while with Najat to ramallah and to the doctor to see about dad's perscription for cancer.

i drove.

then we came back. on the way dad we talked about the cancer..i told everythinig as dad sat and listened.

then when we got back, dad wouldn't take off his coat and keffiyeh and I and Yusra both tried and he wouldn't. Finally, he took hold of me and started talking, real important like. I didn't understand. It was all over the place as far as I could tell. Finally he forced me to take him outside to the gate. I was trying to get him to come back in he wouldn't. 

he said my wife and good and a few other words i could figure out

finally he had me walking him out to the street. I called Najat and told her that I was worried about him

she came with Nehaya

we talkead until we reached the end of the street and then Najat came. he walked really good
I thought we could keep walking but I was worried he would get weak and we wouldn't be able to make it back then Najat came. it was night time at the corner

we got in and drove around. ended up getting him Chicken at Hardees. He was really funny telling Najat where to dirve an threatening to hit her with his cane. When we went by the DCO Najat asked which way, DAd said left. She said they will shoot us. HE said "Shoot you." I think he was joking.

i guess I learned not ot just let him push me around. he just keeps pushing me outside and to do things.

we are looking to get him a wheel chair

Angry taxis

Sunday

I got up and took a shower and went to Church. But the bus drivers were all mean to me. I thought they might know about me. One refused to let me get on. Then I stood at a corner and another one came by and he wouldn't let me on. He  told me to go to the first bus (the one that told me there is no room for me). I did and he again said there is no room for me. I went back and stood at the corner. One bus was just parked in teh middle and wouldn't let anyone on.
Finally the second guy said "Ok come uncle" when I asked him how much the fare was he didn't answer me.

When got to church saw Abu Wardeh and his family they said they wanted me to go have tea with them. I also saw Firas and he sat next to me. Saw all old friends.
had lunch, they want me to preach on Sunday the 24 and 31 because Pastor will be gone...

i got a shareeha for jawal

when i was leaving, I saw Abu Habaas and he was nice to me so it was a a nice taxi driver to counteract the negative taxi drivers.
a lady on the taxi knew everything about Mashnis.

went with Najat and Dad to Al Bayuma whatever was concerned taht  N and Y were going to play their game again and Amo Issa came over and stayed for an hour telling us stories about the past of the the family. Wonderful things:
Daoud Al Mashni whose name is on the Shahid board at teh top of village was Amo Mahmoud's brotehr who was killed by Brits.
Ahmed Al Mashni was the brotehr of Amo Ahmed who was killed in Modesto
Also Dad's older brother who was younger than Shaher was FAyez but he died

Also my grandfather Hussein spent years in San Francisco and made money to build the house for himself and his brotehrs. He was a very good man

I bet he got saved in Frisco.....

Back in Deir Debwan 2019

after much internal struggle and the fact that Ihmaydi paid for the ticked I came back to Deir Debwan.

it's been a rough couple of months. I had my tizzy with the roomate situation and waited for quiet a while to get my new place. I stayed at Pastor Azad's house. It was quite a time. I helped translate his time at the North American Baptist conference. It was fun I learned alot. He passed. Not everyone did.

He is very impressive in his holiness, love and kindness.

While there I really learned that maybe not everyone is as much of a failure as I am in Christianity and ministry.

the whole cancer thing seems to be over with and not a problem

I came to Holy Land. Was easy in airport.
Watched Whitney and most of Star is Born in the plane

Went to Jerusalem the first night and second night at Metropole Hotel in Ramallah

very reluctantly came to D.D.. Called Najat she came and got me this morning. I waited outside hotel in cold for about an hour and half


Am in the baranda now


Dad is much weaker than before. He barely moves his legs at all when he walks.
Very

i sat with him and watched Redd Foxx and then Um Kolthoum

Yusra is being very nice. Made dinner.

I went with Dad to Najat's and then we went and saw Khitam and her husband. Khatima and her son and daughter in law and granddaughter were there too. Was fun to see everyone there

Lord Jesus. Can Your glory come here. Through one such as me.

Dad seems to understand and tries to communicate

I understood a word he said: pointing to himself he said "Sick"

I saw Amo Issa. He came by a little. Dad was acting up and he left.

I told him about the colon situation and he said he had the same thing

At the Metropole Motel I had I think what were two great revelations:

1. The Coptic Priest spoke about the Word proceeding from teh Father. HE said there is a difference between a thing proceeding and a thing being created. When a thing is made it is a creation. When a thing is of the same nature it proceeds and is a Son. A Son is different from a house. One is made one is of the same nature.

the other is that Jesus said "If I testify of Myself my testimony is not true. There is another Who bears witness of Me. It is He of Whom you say He is Your God.

The works....

I am outside in the baranda now. Dad didn't sleep last night becuase he was so excited about coming to pick me up.

i'm writing this at 240 a.m. i went to bed kind of early like 930 or 10. I listened to some lady praying and quoting scripture. I heard a small noise outside the door. It sounded like someone dropped a stick or something. I got up and saw Dad lying on the floor. He pushed the sofa away from his bed and while holding onto the wooden chair it fell over.

his hat was on the tile behind him
he was so light to pick up. i picked him up and put him on the chair.

then i put him back in the bed.

Yusra got up and complained a little. i told her to go back to bed. she did